III.22Expostulation with Oneself
You see his heart is his alone
O heart, why not be all my own?
O my soul! although you have seen how his soul stands by him, how is it you do not stand by me?
'Tis plain, my heart, that he 's estranged from thee;
Why go to him as though he were not enemy?
O my soul! although you have known him who does not love me, still do you go to him, saying "he will not be displeased."
'The ruined have no friends, 'they say; and so, my heart,
To follow him, at thy desire, from me thou dost depart.
O my soul! do you follow him at pleasure under the belief that the ruined have no friends?
'See, thou first show offended pride, and then submit,' I bade;
Henceforth such council who will share with thee my heart?
O my soul! you would not first seem sulky and then enjoy (him); who then would in future consult you about such things?
I fear I shall not gain, I fear to lose him when I gain;
And thus my heart endures unceasing pain.
My soul fears when it is without him; it also fears when it is with him; it is sub ject to incessant sorrow.
My heart consumes me when I ponder lone,
And all my lover's cruelty bemoan.
My mind has been (here) in order to eat me up (as it were) whenever I think of him in my solitude.
Fall'n 'neath the sway of this ignoble foolish heart,
Which will not him forget, I have forgotten shame.
I have even forgotten my modesty, having been caught in my foolish mind which is not dignified enough to forget him.
If I contemn him, then disgrace awaits me evermore;
My soul that seeks to live his virtues numbers o'er.
My soul which clings to life thinks only of his (own) gain in the belief that it would be disgraceful for it to despise him.
And who will aid me in my hour of grief,
If my own heart comes not to my relief?
Who would help me out of one's distress, when one's own soul refuses help to one?
A trifle is unfriendliness by aliens shown,
When our own heart itself is not our own!
It is hardly possible for strangers to behave like relations, when one's own soul acts like a stranger.