III.11The Pallid Hue

I willed my lover absent should remain;
Of pining's sickly hue to whom shall I complain?

I who (then) consented to the absence of my loving lord, to whom can I (now) relate the fact of my having turned sallow.

'He gave': this sickly hue thus proudly speaks,
Then climbs, and all my frame its chariot makes. Sallowness, as if proud of having been caused

by him, would now ride on my person.

Of comeliness and shame he me bereft,
While pain and sickly hue, in recompense, he left.

He has taken (away) my beauty and modesty, and given me instead disease and sallowness.

I meditate his words, his worth is theme of all I say,
This sickly hue is false that would my trust betray.

I think (of him); and what I speak about is but his excellence; still is there sallowness; and this is deceitful.

My lover there went forth to roam;
This pallor of my frame usurps his place at home.

Just as my lover departed then, did not sallowness spread here on my person ?

As darkness waits till lamp expires, to fill the place,
This pallor waits till I enjoy no more my lord's embrace.

Just as darkness waits for the failing light; so does sallowness wait for the laxity of my husband's intercourse.

I lay in his embrace, I turned unwittingly;
Forthwith this hue, as you might grasp it, came on me.

I who was in close embrace just turned aside and the moment I did so, sallowness came on me like something to be seized on.

On me, because I pine, they cast a slur;
But no one says, 'He first deserted her.'

Besides those who say "she has turned sallow" there are none who say "he has forsaken her".

Well! let my frame, as now, be sicklied o'er with pain,
If he who won my heart's consent, in good estate remain!

If he is clear of guilt who has conciliated me (to his departure) let my body suffer its due and turn sallow.

'Tis well, though men deride me for my sickly hue of pain;
If they from calling him unkind, who won my love, refrain.

It would be good to be said of me that I have turned sallow, if friends do not reproach with unkindness him who pleased me (then).